I missed last week.
I didn’t really feel like posting in.
Mostly I am seizure free as long as I avoid anything dairy, anything wheat, anything upsetting or stressful and take ibuprofen and antioxidants and pray. I should have had a conversation with my doctor a long time ago about how bad it had all gotten.
I’m sweating again. I do that a lot now.
I had a hormone test.
Undetectable levels.
My surgeon called me in an estrogen patch at low level but I’m too freaked out to give it a try because I’m scared it will trigger seizures. So I sweat and stay up all night and we all know how great sleep deprivation is for the brain.
So I’m not sure why.
I cleaned and swept this. I carried the broom all the way over there. It’s almost a mile. Then I swept and cleaned up all the broken glass from some kind of alcoholics nightmare rampage. And I cleaned for a long fucking time. Then I carried the back of broken glass to a trash can.
Oddly satisfying.
It was probably a fucking stupid thing to do.
I was hyped for Kite Fest.
I talked the kids into going one windy afternoon, it was on a Wednesday.
Tons of kites.
Horrible french fry stand charged me $25.00 for fries, fried them in cold oil (soggy, horrible, disgusting) and fuck, I had no idea she was going to charge me that and I didn’t know what to do. I took it on the chin but I will avoid that in the future. I gave the fries away. They were absolutely sogged. Kites were cool though. Spending time with my kids was dope.
I hiked down by the river.
There is a sneaky trail where you can get down onto the sand at low-tide without having to climb down rocks. I had my proper Cannon Camera with me today so I took photos. They’re neat though.
As a plains kid it’s awesome to see something like this.
I’ve watched tourists try to save them and push them back into the water. Tourists are stupid.
We are getting the house worked on but it is too expensive. Everything is sky fucking high in price.
There aren’t very many jobs.
The media keeps repeating stories on loop.
Nature is really cool.
Most of the flowers from last post are gone. The Nasturtiums are almost all gone from elk and deer. It’s so dry here they eat the plants that get water unless the plant has a coating of something – hairs, wax, that sort of thing. My bamboo is doing okay. I keep it watered. Most things though are going to seed. Calling it a day. It’s time for fall and probably an out of control wildfire or two.
I walked A LOT
Everyday this week pretty much 10,000 steps per day. Which is insane.
I painted a chair.
I feel like I’m fighting now to gain ground, where as before I was gone. I had nothing left to fight with. The stream had me.
Pulled me along and I thought each breath might be my last.
In the shallows now. Kinda see the shore, think I can touch at times. Feeling slightly more optimism.
Still won’t ever hold a real job, not with the bad foot an epilepsy.
I’m now in menopause proper, maybe even less hormones then that even…idk…I just don’t know much about the space I find myself in. Guess I will figure it out.
